PIECES OF NONSENSE

Megapower they used to call him and 'Mtanitambua' he used to tell them. He harboured a look only a south chick would. He had a sonorous voice perfect for posing threats on people. It was rumoured that it scared himself too and while asleep, it made him wake up. He had just boarded a matatu which to its reaction it had slightly shrunk on his 'mega' weight. He was going to Obi town. His trip to Obi was known to everyone in the village. Everybody he met on the way he had to tell, 'mtanitambua nikitoka Obi!' That was his nature and Dundu his real name. In his early thirties and not yet married, people wondered why his folks decided to give him such a name. Dundu, a container for storing liquids, made popular as was used for carrying the famous local coconut wine - mnazi to the nearby town of Swere. Not like it had an effect on him but the resemblance was just too obvious. Dundu was a man who breathed fear to many a people. He was the definition of fear itself!

‘Mgalla muuwe ila haki yake mpe’ is a famous saying for the people in Megapower's village. Despite his fearsome demeanor, Megapower was quite a hardworking man.He worked tirelessly everyday. Nobody had the slightest idea what time he actually woke up. Rumour had it that he only slept for one hour. Fact was; at cock's crow when the ladies in the village were going down the stream to fetch water , barrels in their hands that's when they would see Megapower returning from Swere with his bicycle and empty tuns. Afraid the ladies would all jump into the bush and let him pass lest they had to 'mtambua' him in the brink of day.

He had no friends and it was whispered that since he had no brothers, he never learnt to communicate and interact with people except when selling mnazi to the Achuzis at Swere. All he wanted was for anyone and everyone to listen to what he had to say when he had to.

* * * * * * *

His birth had been a weird case. As it lay on its baby cot made of neem tree wood and jute, it never stopped ululating. Its cries engulfed the whole homestead and inflicted a frenzied emotion amongst the kin. Some of the neighbours who had come to see for themselves the little visitor who would never stop crying, could be seen murmuring to each other. Some even whispering loudly, believing the baby was a curse! Mulungu must have decided to teach the homestead a lesson.

Chembe, the father to the new born son of the homestead had no other son apart from this baby. All he had ever had were girls from all his past three marriages. Now on the fourth one, in which he had married the daughter of his long time friend mtumia Mwachidziwe had he had this son. Sitting under a large mango tree in the middle of the homestead, he kept wondering whether this was a real baby or Mulungu had decided to punish him with a chijego. He had kept asking himself why, why and why? Had he not been pouring libation every morning after the mjema brought the masa everyday? Had he not been offering sacrifices at the sacred muyu tree at the corner of his farm? Had he not been praying for a son? And now when Mulungu, he who gives had finally decided to give him one it turned out to be a chijego?! All these questions criss-crossed his mind.

On the fourteenth day however, Dundu, as Chembe had decided to call his son stopped crying and everyone was relieved. The fear this new born child had inflicted was not only felt in the homestead but the entire village as a whole. And now over thirty years later people still feared him. Not only for his gruffy voice but for the vestige memories of his childhood drama. All this added with his unwavering fearsome demeanor. That was Dundu alias Megapower’s story.

* * * * * * *

The matatu swerved from one side of the road to another. The loud music that was blaring from the matatu’s Phillips stereo together with the noises made by chicken made the atmosphere polluted with sounds of all manner. The bumping of the matatu due to lots of potholes on the murram road led to a lot of dust particles being thrown in to the windowless vehicle. This topped up with Megapowers' unending stories of how Obi town was going to recognize his existence and be glad he went there in the first place just made the situation in the matatu worse. His bulky weight not only made the matatu to shrink but also the person sitted next to him found himself pinned to the window as Megapower almost occupied the whole space meant for two with no apologies. Had he the power, he would have drove the matatu himself. As he kept shouting to the driver now and then asking what was wrong with him as they were taking too long to get to Obi. Not like the rest of the passengers entertained his stories but no one was a lion enough to dare shut him down.

* * * * * * *

Obi town was not much to be called a town except for a few apartment buildings mostly occupied by the civil servants in the town. A couple of bars, a mosque, hospital and few independent churches was all it could brag of. It had a number of streets all linked together forming a network of roads. It’s busiest street was the one that harbored the district commissioners office building that stood overlooking the Obi police station. This was known as the Mekatilili street.

Megapower had never set foot to Obi before since that one time he had come applying for an identity card. And he had not gone there alone, they had been around twenty of them all who feared him. So even then he had felt on top but that was over twelve years ago. Today. Obi town had changed. A few more vehicles than it used to be back then. However crossing the road was not much of a problem it still shook Megapowers heart from inside.

* * * * * * *

He had lodged in one of the guest houses located in the end of Kakonewa street. A street that boomed in the business of bars and lodgings, leave alone all the promiscuity and immoral acts one could think of. It was the darkest part of the town. But Megapower feared nothing and this was where he would launch his endeavour in Obi.

That night he went to a bar and ordered the expensive of alcohol drinks that some he could not even pronounce their names. He wanted them to know who he was. Megapower that’s what the people back home called him. And that is what he wanted people to call him here at Obi too. ‘Lazima watanitambua!’ he said to himself. But this was just different a place. Folks here minded their own business not caring who was what. Everyone who came into the bar did not seem to notice Megapower even though he was seated at the counter. A lot of beer bottles stood in front of him. People drank, laughed and went about their conversation without even casting a single glance at him. This angered him more. Not even the girls who were in the bar seemed to bother about him. This was unlike what he had anticipated. All his life he had grown to learn that once you had money in Obi, all the girls would flock to you. But where were they now? Where were the girls who flocked to rich men? He yearned for attention but none was forthcoming. He could not help wondering why he was so much like nothing when back home, folks feared and respected him. Had it been back home, people would have known he was around and how many beers he had bought leave alone downing them. No! Enough is enough! He had to do something. ‘Lazima wanitambue!’ he did not even realize that this last thought had actually come out aloud.There and then the whole bar went into an about turn. All the people looked at him.

The music that was playing seemed far fetched. He could hear his own breathing. Megapower mode activated. His exhales were those that spread fear in the vicinity. Were he to be in a tunnel at that very moment, believe you me his exhales would have put off the light at the end of the tunnel itself! Like a dragon felt he. Not exactly sure what to do next, he turned to face his beer bottles and knew that a sip was the next thing he had to take to psyche himself up before those loonies could know the real Megapower alias Dundu son of Chembe! It did not end up to be just a sip, he poured all the bottle that was almost three quarters full in to his mouth and down his throat. He then threw the bottle into the ceiling of the bar. The bottle hit the rotating multicoloured bulb at the centre of the bar. The lighting immediately went off and the room became dark as fragments of the beer bottle came crushing down on people’s heads. This resulted in a stampede as all the people in the bar scrambled to where the exit was. Each and everyone struggling to save their neck from this unknown villain. The waitresses as well had to run too as others who were too afraid to move had to take refuge under the tables in the bar.

Seeing the reaction he had caused, Mega felt a smile curve across his distorted lips. He felt like a winner already against who no one could tell. ‘Watanitambua hata hapa Obi!’ Little did he know that he was going to be the one to actually ‘tambua’ Obi. In Obi there is a saying which says, “obi hapalali mgeni” Not because Obi never liked visitors rather a visitor had to be accepted by the people. Made to be one of them before he could understand the ways of the town. The owner of the bar who normally stayed in an adjacent room with a half-glass half-wooden door connecting to the bar, in a flash saw the dimming of the lights and heard the people running out. He did not exactly realize what was happening . The only thing he remembered was a crash and then followed by a darkness that led to his customers running out. To him, some robbers must have invaded his business and so 911 was the answer.

Megapower felt like a winner. Seeing all the people fleeing the bar due to his fury made him feel happy and for a second, amid his fuming and angriness, he managed yet another smile. A smile that only the darkness witnessed. He felt some sort of satisfaction down his spine. At this same time, the owner of the bar was also making a call to the boys in blue.

“..enhe, Inspector Chullo speaking. How can i help you?”

“Hello inspector…I am Bomba, owner of Biro bar here in Obi’s Kakonewa street….er some robbers have…have…”

“Hey mr. Bomba, we will be right there…”

The phone hung up. Bomba was still kneeling under his office table when he heard the bang on the door. ‘Mtanitambua pia nyinyi,’ yelled Megapower. Apparently he had heard him talking on phone and he thought there might be a number of them still in the room. He wanted everyone to know him.

..............to be continued.

Appreciation
Emmanuel Ndeje(for the grand idea)
Cedri Lee(for believing)
James Wambua(my comp wiz)
Wright, Pancras, Ohms Charlie,Willy Kay, and all for the moral support.

The owner of four Simcards, two Facebook accounts, a dormant Twitter handle. He is in Instagram though not conversant with it. He prouds himself of being in Whatsapp with the phone he borrows from a friend. But we can forgive him because he has grown to own two 'Kabambes' of which all rights he reserves. And by the way he has two identity cards; National and School ID. He is a king in his own kingdom, so call him a king he might buy you a drink.

So painful yet so funny, so true yet she heard it like a rumour. So normal but again wildly rejoiced. The woman sat beside the baby, people congratulating her without her recognition. Just like the messiah's birth, his too was just like any other. Maybe worse than the place where Jesus of nazareth was born. We do not care, they did not care too. They just welcomed the baby warmly. He cried like any other baby, ironically his rather sharp innocent cry did not scare them. Infact, it made them sing more and more happy birthday songs. He was a prince among many.

And now that you have grown to buy your own alcohol may you grow to marry a good wife and produce bright babies like yourself. Happy new year the November man- Emmanuel Nyungu Ndeje!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To be born or to live? To live; for what choice has he that is brought to the world without choice? But chooses he to live who has life. And life is not about living rather its living FREELY!
They say people do not choose to be born but choose to live. Yet some choose to love. And some, only some choose to be free.
Free is what you are today brother! For when no one knew what you would become when you were born, as they celebrated your birth as you let that sharp cry... that moment you chose to be free. And now i am saying, heey Happy Strong Earthday to you 'King'! Saying this with the hope of that free drink ;-):-$ May you have many many more!

PS. Learn to use Instagram and Twitter. About those two Facebook accounts...no comment. For your two 'Kabambes' thats an achievement! As for Whatsapp...need i say?
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#‎justapieceofnonsense‬

A piece I wrote together with a friend for his birthday. Emmanuel "Mjanja" Ndeje you are a lot more than just a counsel. Happy birthday my brother in nonsense. A true kin of mine!!

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Saturday 15 November 2014

PIECES OF NONSENSE: MEGAPOWER: (PART 1)

MEGAPOWER: (PART 1)

Wednesday 12 November 2014

PIECES OF NONSENSE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJANJA

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